TNF Lesson Notes - January 5th, 2005

Thursday Night Fellowship
January 5, 2005

Introduction
So let's talk about everyone's Christmas. How was it?

Let's do this differently. We're going to communicate differently tonight. It has become apparent to the youth leaders that we aren't communicating well as a youth group. So our “activity” tonight will be to talk together about our Christmas in a more purposeful way.

I'll start us off by asking one specific person to tell us one aspect about their Christmas. This person will share about a special gift they received, a special gift they gave, or some other Christmas memory. When that person is done they will ask someone else to tell us about their Christmas. Here's how we are going to do it. When I ask someone, I want to communicate to that person that I am listening and care about what they say. So I will look them in the eyes, listen attentively, show interest with my eyes and by nodding my head. I will not interrupt, but will wait until they finish if I have a question. When it is your turn to ask, you should do the same.

When it is your turn to answer the question be courteous to those of us who are listening. Don't go on and on embellishing your story unnecessarily. We want to hear what you have to say, but it's not all about you.

The Forums and Communication

Often times when we talk to people we are too concerned with what we will say next than what the other person is saying. Or we try to draw attention to ourselves by what we say or the way we say it. This isn't how we ought to be. These types of attitudes stem from our proud hearts that say, “Look at me, I'm important.” “What I have to say is more important than me listening to you.” When I wrote this last night I thought about how we would handle our “activity” tonight and if we would be able to actually listen to one another. I even wondered if I would be able to do it. Sometimes I more concerned about saying something funny instead of really listening to what you have to say.

As most of you know we have youth group online forums where we can discuss things online. As most of you also know we shut down the forums today. We have shut down the forums for a number of reasons, and so we'd like to talk about those reasons tonight.

Reasons to take down the forum:
1. The forum is a privilege and has not been used responsibly, therefore we have decided to shut it down.
2. The overarching tone of the forum has been “look at me.”
3. Idle talk, harsh criticism of others
4. Anyone is allowed to post a topic & there are too many topics to be thoroughly monitored.

The forums were originally setup to allow us to communicate as a youth group outside of youth group nights and activities. At first it was slow and we didn't have that many people. We were able to get to know each other better. Then we began to have more people coming online and soon we had many topics with lots of activity. It was really exciting to have everyone jumping in. Unfortunately it seems that it soon became a lot of posts, almost too many. I couldn't keep up with them anymore, nor did I want to. There were too many people writing too many things. We soon needed to intervene with certain posts that were harsh or hurtful. We feel that the forums have gotten out of hand, and we admit that we are also at fault. We have not thought through all the implications of having an online discussion forum with the youth group. In addition we did not invest the time to ensure that the youth of the youth group knew how to communicate with one another in a public setting.

We have seen a lot of things that concern us such as idle talk, harsh criticism, spiteful words, and much of the posts are centered around a “look at me” attitude. People's talk, signatures, and avatars have been more designed around bringing attention to ourselves.

Another problem with the forums is that anyone is allowed to post a topic which has lead us down paths that we didn't intend to go. There are topics and issues that aren't to be dealt with on a public forum. It is inappropriate. There are other venues with which to talk about such issues. Apparently we don't all have that wisdom to discern what is appropriate and what is not.

What are the most common topics? What does this say about who we are?

The Purpose of Music topic under the debate section has 62 posts & 400 views
There are 16 “What are your favorite...” topics.

If an outsider looked at the forum, would he or she know we were Christians? maybe
What's different about this forum than a secular forum? Is there a strong difference. We may have a prayer request forum, but where are we focused according to the numbers? We are focused on general discussion.

Are all of these topics bad? No
Are all of the posts on the forum negative? No
But, there is an over-arching tone of “look at me”, “look what I have”, “look at what I can do”, “I can do ____ better than you”....

There have been good posts that have provided opportunity to discuss certain issues. There have been people who have shared Scripture, the Gospel, wisdom, and encouragement. We appreciate those of you who have done that. People have offered to pray for others & shared the desire to follow the Lord.



Let's look at some verses together about communication and about the heart.

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Luke 12:34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

You know where a person's heart is by what they treasure.

Matthew 12:33 Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. 36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

Luke 6:45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

We talk about what's most dear to our hearts. Jesus is warning us about our hearts and how they can be filled with things that aren't worthwhile. We can be so concerned about trivial things like movies, video games, entertainment, celebrities, ourselves, that we talk idly about them. Jesus reminds us that we will be judged for every word we speak.

Here are some more verses:
James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

James 3:13-18
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 14:23 In hard work there is always something gained, but idle talk leads only to poverty.

These verses from James and Proverbs remind us how important it is for us to communicate properly with one another. God has called us to be his holy people and that includes how we talk with one another.

I just think the forums represent that we all have a lot to learn about godly communication. We are far too concerned with our image and about the things of this world that are passing away. These things aren't evil necessarily, but I think our focus is off of what it needs to be.

Where do we go from here?
We have closed the forums, but not the blog. As I have said before I post my lesson notes on the blog every week. The blog as the capability for you to leave comments. If you have a thought or a question then you can post a comment on the blog. This form of communication will be more directed. You can respond to what is written on the blog. Unrelated comments will be deleted. It is our goal that this will help us talk about things that are deeper and more related to our faith and our youth group.

Our goal as a youth group is to grow up in Christ. We as leaders desire to train you and disciple you to be more like Christ. This goes well beyond the study of the word and prayer to our practical daily lives. We live day by day, and it is how we live that glorifies Christ and speaks truth to a needy world. Let's pray.